What am I doing? Let the kids get into everything they know they’re not supposed to. Checking Tumblr. Trying to find some work-outs to move myself from ‘lard-ass’ to ‘fat-ass’. (My goal is to get to ‘punk-ass’) Oh, and watching IRON MAIDEN! What are you doing?
Peanut (Female age 3): Monster (16 months) is playing with me!
The Missus: Yeah he's throwing pretty good!
Peanut: awwww Monster has balls mommy.
The Missus: Yes Monster has balls.
Dear Bearded Ones
ianbrooks: 3barr: I hate you out of Jealousy. I am prohibited from growing a beard by my employer and would like very much to stop shaving. yeah they told me in December you couldnt grow a beard, BUT you were allowed to have a trimmed mustache. So apparently they dont want their employees looking like distinguished gentlemen, but instead more like child molesters. Got it. I prefer to...
Dear Bearded Ones
I hate you out of Jealousy. I am prohibited from growing a beard by my employer and would like very much to stop shaving.
Random Rants & Rumblings: Last night I came home... →
erinmargrethe: ianbrooks: … Thanks Ian for opening another painful memory floodgate. Some years ago towards the end of my Marriage one of my friends was marrying an Armenian girl. I went to the wedding and the reception and found myself seated with a friend and the family of the groom. Each table had a… Here’s another recovered memory for you: House-call stripper tampon string. Remember...
Last night I came home "slightly inebbriated"
ianbrooks: stress on quotation marks there and apparently stubbed my toe somehow, somewhere so bad that it bled. I didnt realize until I just woke up a little bit ago. I dont have a problem or anything. Thanks Ian for opening another painful memory floodgate. Some years ago towards the end of my Marriage one of my friends was marrying an Armenian girl. I went to the wedding and the...
clinton is all wet about the digital divide →
clinton is no anna nicole smith clinton is a traitor clinton is america’s most admired clinton is missing the point clinton is thoroughly corrupt clinton is drawn to the rebel edge clinton is all grown up and glamorous (my personal favorite) clinton is a blyth clinton is a ‘ clinton is not going away
Me: How was the gym?
The Missus: Good, I just rode the bike. It said I burned 500. I don't believe it.
Me: I can't see how you'd burn that much just sitting on your butt.
The Missus: So my workout is reduced to me just sitting on my butt?
Me: Um, no. Then again I like it better when you move your hips.
The Missus: Maybe we could try that later.
The Missus: Oh wait, The Bachelor is on tonight.
Me: The only reason they call that show the Bachelor is because it makes husbands into Bacehlors for 2 hours.
The Missus: No, the only reason you may feel like a bachelor is because you said I didn't work out.
A drone pilot can fire on an insurgent dug into the Afghan hills and be home in...– Drone pilots have a front-row seat on war, from half a world away - latimes.com (via indefensible) Whatever happened to ‘Don’t fire ‘til you see the whites of their eyes!’
By the time I had finished college, seeing them in classes and business’s was nothing unusual. They had begun to branch out from their neighborhoods. They seemed to be assimilating as best they could although they still held on to some of their own ways of life. I made friends with a few of them and brought those that were first generation and had no family here home for the holidays. Mom...
By the time I had reached High School more had come; so much so that they had their own neighborhoods and stores. Mom had become more afraid and Dad had given up trying to tell her that there was nothing to be afraid of. When I would go out with my friends Mom would make sure I wasn’t going to their side of town. I would promise her that we wouldn’t and then we would go anyway. I don’t know...
At first I don’t think we really noticed them. We’d heard of the, we knew existed. The news would show pictures of where they we’re from and do in depth repots on their culture. The first time I saw one was on my way hoe from school. We had been let out early for an in-service. As I walked past the Browns house One was walking down their front walk carrying a mop, broom and caddy of...
Silent and Still
I have to go to a meeting in about 45 minutes. I was beginning to get ready and G (age 3) asked if she could go with me. I told her if she could sit in one place and not say a word for 30 minutes she could go with me. It’s been about 10 minutes and she’s filling her end of the bargain. I am amazed.
d3dk0w: wtf? This has awesome written all over it.
Random Rants & Rumblings: Snow →
erinmargrethe: I don’t have a lot of memories of snow despite spending a good portion of my childhood in a climate prone to receiving some of the cold white stuff. The first thing that came to my mind when I thought of snow was not a memory that I had but one that I didn’t share. Somewhere around the winter of… I had totally forgotten about that. I have a lot of memories that are slipping...
Hit shuffle on your (i don't believe in ipod) and...
Glorious Day—Weezer Wuxiapian Fantastique—Mike Patton Jam Jar Jail—Therapy The Nature of Sap—Portastatic Love Explosion—Weezer Who Died—Hot Snakes How U Feelin?—Peeping Tom Landlord—Low Pay to Cum—Bad Brains Goodbye Bear /Love Me Dead—Ludo Pink Cigarette—Mr. Bungle The Hand That Held Me Down—Two Gallants Our Faces...
d3dk0w asked: in high school my anatomy teacher use to say if it's wet and it isn't yours don't touch it.
I don’t have a lot of memories of snow despite spending a good portion of my childhood in a climate prone to receiving some of the cold white stuff. The first thing that came to my mind when I thought of snow was not a memory that I had but one that I didn’t share. Somewhere around the winter of 2003-2004 I was making some significant changes in my life. I accepted that I was going to be...
stereoforbrains: Here’s a track off of ‘Sunfish...
if there’s no liquid I build up saliva to get the lubrication– d3dk0w
March is approaching. With it comes March Madness. I don’t follow basketball (or any sport for that matter) but March Madness will always hold a special place in my heart. A good friend of mine who ended up being a room mate for a while got fired from his job at Tower Records at the beginning of March because he was late to work as a result of Daylight Savings time. While this may have...
The Missus: So glad your home! How was your day?
Me: Fine (give the missus a kiss) how about you?
The Missus: Kids have been decent.
Me: For the record, I intend on having sex tonight, preferably with you.
The Missus: And if not what will you do? Go outside and offer 5 bucks to the first person who comes by.
Me: So thats a yes then?
The Missus: You do a lot of things alone don't you?
There’s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans.– Tom Waits-The Black Rider
Free Idea for the "marital aid" industry
xntrek: cheetos body powder. So…I just ran this idea past the missus. I told her if my pants were to come off and my junk was covered in orange powder she shouldn’t be alarmed. I may be spending my night alone. Shame to waste good Cheeto powder.
Our love is like a Bruce Springstein concert. It’s not that great, its...– Bruce McCulloch
I feel like they’re making fun of the indians. As someone who is 1/18th...– The Missus commenting on the opening ceremonies.
I’ve spent the last few weeks doing a lot of writing that has led me to remember a lot of my brief life. I think it’s for this reason that I have found that I miss people who have been in my life in a greater number and with more intensity than I have in recent memory. I came of age in a small town in the San Joaquin Valley of California. My high school was a grand 436 students. At the time...
I need to remind myself more often that when I feel that everything bad is happening all at once it isn’t. Then again the sky IS falling.
Wearing a Hat
I’ve spent a good part of my life under a hat. Both for practical and stylish purposes. The functional choices were always very good ones while the stylish ones were very open to interpretation. In retrospect I feel foolish think that I would ever look good wearing a fedora at the ripe old age of 24. The first hat that I remember was a mesh baseball cap with a foam front panel depicting...
Pappy's Choice - Pappy's Fine Foods →
Theres a ‘professional pack’ of this sitting in my cupboard waiting to be shipped to Australia. While I believe it would be enjoyed any time of year, it’s probably best if it makes there before summers over.
Going through my archives and I discovered this little paragraph. What was I thinking? It was nearly 5:00 pm and the heat was reaching its pinnacle. ‘At least it’s a dry heat’ Arthur’s voice said in her head. Wet or dry she hated the heat. Wet or dry, it didn’t make the body in the backyard smell any better. Without looking, Suzanne knew that it … he … Arthur; was in full bloat, the...
I have chosen to use the Write One Leaf prompts to restart my love for writing that I have somehow lost in the last few years of my life. While the prompts haven’t produced fiction they have, at times, created very uncomfortable sessions of personal introspection. Following is just one those moments… When I rack my brain for apologies I have difficulty finding very many. There...
I’ve been following the write one leaf project and using many of the prompts posted by it. My intent was to start my creative juices flowing again and get back to writing fiction. What I’ve discovered is a lot of personal narrative flowing from the darkest corners of my brain. Should I post my most humiliating memories? some of them aren’t humiliating?
No Good Deed goes unpunished.
This past Wednesday the missus awoke violently ill and I was ‘delighted’ to discover that my daughter had caught the same bug that evening. While I was impressed with my ability to care for the sick family, I was saddened to wake this morning to discover that I too do not have the best of things happening internally. I am grateful however that the violence of the illness has managed...
Sarah should have borrowed Barack’s teleprompter that way she wouldn’t have had to think at all.