February 2010
64 posts
1 tag
I know people whose idea of fun is throwing stones... →
indefensible:
Oh let me be as free as them, don’t let her pass this way again.
A link to Billy Bragg playing The Warmest Room.
ARB because last weekend when taking my 3 year old on a walk in the Great Valley Grasslands park I was concerned with covering distance and seeing what I could see and my daughter wanted to find big sticks and throw rocks off the levee. I had more fun doing what she...
January 2010
124 posts
1 tag
You little shit.
My boy was born in October of 2008. In June 2008 my paternal Grandfather passed away. I was disappointed that the two of them never met. As my boy has grown I’ve found myself looking at him and seeing my Grandfather.
Recently my son, in making noise has started muttering ‘shit, shit, shit, shit, shit’. There is no emphasis on the word and I am entirely positive he is not...
Commuting
dulltrev:
They sat across the table from me on the train, side by side. He was by the aisle, she by the window. Both were dressed smartly, and I imagined they were returning home from a day in the office. I’d seen both of them before, recognising them in that dim way commuters do - you’d never miss them if they weren’t there, but they are familiar enough to stand out in the crowd.
He fiddled...
4 tags
Revenge
My friends and I used to go to parties in high school that more often or not we were not 100% welcome. We would always initially begin to try to have a good time and fit in with the people who’s interests we didn’t share and who’s contempt for us was palpable.
After spending an hour or two feeling uncomfortable, one of us would go outside, the other would go to the kitchen and,...
“According to a study conducted at San Francisco State University, the things you...”
– Ten Psychology Studies from 2009 Worth Knowing About - David Disalvo - Brainspin - True/Slant
Winter Beard →
Download, listen, enjoy. It’s good when friends make good music.
1 tag
Dreams
I had a dream last night that while driving through Mariposa looking for the bed and breakfast that my ex-wifes Aunt used to own I was stopped in the middle of the road because Brad Garret was taking pictures of Tom Selleck.
After they were done with their run and I was able to proceed on my search I was pulled over by Brad Garrett for making an illegal lane change. We talked for a while until...
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
helluva way to spend a Friday Night.
1 tag
5 years
It’s been almost five years and my wife can still surprise me in that naughty girlfriend kind of way.
I would prefer to be doing everything except what...
just sayin’….
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Scrabble
Me: How are the kids?
Missus: Fine, they're playing Scrabble.
Me: WHAT?
Missus: They're playing Scrabble.
Me: Just so I'm clear, our 3 year old and 15 month old children are playing Scrabble.
Missus: Yep
Me: Our children are brilliant! Call Mensa!
Missus: When I say 'play' I mean they're throwing the pieces all over the room and using the trays as swords.
Me: Oh.
If you watched all 3 extended versions of the LOTR...
ianbrooks:
it’s like watching all three Back to the Future’s in one sitting, technically you could probably do it. but it just shouldnt be done.
I’ve done it, when sick.
1 tag
On Accents
A brief history of me:
I was born in Nevada, we moved to Arizona when I was 5 then back to Nevada when I was 7.
At 10 we went to a rural town in California and this is basically where I’ve been for the last 22 years.
I’ve noticed that my ‘accent’ changes depending on who I am with. With friends I am Californian. With family it is more of a hybrid of southern Nevada and...
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I couldn't stay quiet
The Individual Mandate. The Senate bill includes an unprecedented act of Congress to force Americans to buy a commodity: health insurance.[22] The “individual responsibility” provision in Section 1501 requires anyone who fails to obtain a qualifying health plan to pay an annual tax penalty of $750 per adult family member and $375 per child, up to a maximum penalty of $2,250 per family....
Can't stop watching. →
1 tag
Dreams
I don’t often remember my dreams. Last night was an exception in a major way. I found myself in South America with the Incas, only it was modern times and this particular tribe had not yet been discovered. The man who had become our translator was explaining to us that the queen had been discovered wandering the forest as a child and that she had never married but instead chose to have a...
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Wu
For the first half of 2009 I found myself commuting 50 miles north through the San Joaquin valley along Highway 99. Just past the the 152 junction is a large plant on the west side of the freeway. I’ve been trying to decide if the design of this building was intentional because the Wu Tang Clan ‘W’ is all I see when passing this building.
When ifs and buts are candies and nuts oh how wonderful the world will be.
2 tags
Match
SweezyFleezy: Man you can start a fire with a battery steel wool
Ms Bell: No you can't
Me: Yes you can, or a cell phone battery would work too. It's a little challenging but you can do it.
Ms Bell: I think I'll just make sure I've got a match.
Me: I've got a match, your face and my butt!
Sweezy Fleezy: Bwahahahahahaha!
3 tags
Truck Stop
I’ve never been closer than a few hundred miles to my extended family. There was a truck stop we would stop at when going to see my Grandparents. It was the same stop every time. While I remember being excited to get out of the car and use the bathroom when we stopped I was probably more excited to see the rotating display of bumper stickers of questionable taste that were available for...
Seniority
I was going to complain about being on the bottom of the seniority but then I realized that the fact that I was on the bottom just meant that I became successful at a young age and I have nothing to bitch about.
2 tags
re-Discovery
My career path is not the one I set out on early in life.
I spent High School planning on being an educator.
I spent college learning to be an educator (the pompous ass traits came naturally).
A few weeks short of meeting the goals that I had set for myself my part-time employer offered me a full-time job at a price I couldn’t refuse. I enjoyed what I did and what I had been offered to...
4 tags
Typing
When I was a child we had a manual typewriter that came in it’s own case. To my memory it was heavy and awkward and I can remember pounding out countless sheets of pure jibberish on it (I was all of 4 years old). I attribute that typewriter with my love of writing.
I don’t know what happened to that typewriter but I’m pretty sure the reams of jibberish that I created on it...
My vote will count tomorrow.
trinilikesalt:
Tomorrow I will cast my vote in the Massachusetts Senate election. It will be my second as a US citizen, the first being the primary last year. The outcome of this election has real and significant repercussions for the rest of the country - it could determine the extent of health care reform - or, sadly, whether it even happens. For that reason alone, I feel like I’m privileged...
3 tags
Flat Tire
When I was 19 I had a job working for trucking company that hauled tomatoes out of the Westside of the valley. It was decent enough job. I spent twelve hours a day seven days a week driving between fields and making sure that trucks were there ready to pick up full trailers and drop off empty ones. I was also working part time at another job Monday through Friday. Between my part time job and...
Some People
Some people are like slinkies: They’re really not good for anything but they put a smile on your face when pushed down the stairs.
This made me laugh.
My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be...
Flintstones
I just saw a commercial for Fruity Pebbles in which a stone ‘robot’ that looked like Wall-E was featured.
I must admit I have a problem with the Flintstones. Why set a cartoon in prehistoric times if you intend to use modern conveniences.
2 tags
Vacation
Wife: We need a vacation
Me: I agree
Wife: I mean a you and me vacation
Me: I doubly agree, lets go right now!
Wife: What about the kids?
Me: They'll be fine, we'll just leave some waffles on the floor throughout the house. By the time the find them all we'll be back.
Wife: What the hell is wrong with you?
Awkward Silence
Wife: Seriously.
Me: They'd be okay.
Wife: You're no longer allowed to watch the children.
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Discovery
I’ve discovered that when my son is awake at 11:46pm when he and I should both be sleeping its still fun to watch him dance to Tenacious-D.
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“I just met Ron Jeremy. Cool”
– plucckesi
The Frugal Kick creates Creativity
The missus and I have been on a frugal kick lately and doing everything we can to save save save. We’re not being forced to do this. I’m still employed and we’re overall in a good position. We just want to see how much money we can avoid spending.
One of the things we’ve stopped doing is dining out whenever we feel lazy. That said, I had a massive craving for a burger....
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Saturday Morning
Wife: What are you doing?
Me: Playing with the kids.
Wife: What is that sound.
Me: House of Pain
Wife: Are you seriously jumping around the living room with our children to that song.
Me: Yes, G wanted to jump around so I found some appropriate music.
Wife: What the hell is wrong with you?
Awkward Silence
Wife: Seriously
Me: She wanted to Jump Around, at least I didn't let Kris Kross make her jump jump.
Wife: You're going to have to remind me why we're married.
How to Survive in Federal Prison →
