for the greater part of the last 8 months I have been largely absent from
here. I’ve posted a lot of pictures re-blogged a few things but I have been
far from ‘vocal’.
For the last 8 months I’ve been greatly challenged professionally. I was
asked to take over an operation that was leaderless. I did so and took that
operation through our busiest time of year without much of an issue. It
wasn’t easy but it could have been much harder.
For the last four months we’ve been implementing a system that is set to
provide greater efficiency and has changed how we run the business. It has
not been easy. We are still not successful. The stress this is creating in
my life is at a level I have never experienced.
I have been dealing with depression. I’ve never experienced depression
before and I am completely lost on how to proceed. I do have friends that
have been in similar situations as I and thy are a great comfort to me.
I have struggled in my faith in the last year. My struggle has not been in
doubt but complacency. I have gone through the motions of faith and
activity for the last year and have suffered greatly for it. The last six
weeks have been particularly difficult.
Two weeks ago I hit a very low point and it woke me up to some of my
shortcomings. I have been evaluating the sincerity of my actions and
talking stock of the what I see as priorities in my life.
Ten years ago I started praying again. Each morning before leaving the
house I would spend time in prayer. I don’t know when my prayer changed.
When it moved from a conversation I had with my Father in Heaven to a
script that I recited from memory before racing out the door. There is no
point in reciting empty words. After realizing my shortcomings and changed
my thinking and involvement and begin speaking to my Father again. Before I
left home this morning I felt for the first time that my words where not
empty. I knew that I was being heard. More importantly I knew that what I
was saying was truly from my heart.
Work was brutal this morning. The overwhelming feeling that I could not
answer the questions being posed to me drove me to consider walking out the
door. I took a moment. Locked myself away from the eyes of my people, fell
to my knees and opened my heart to my Father. Instantly I felt His presence
in my heart. I know with certainty that he heard me and has granted me the
strength to bear my burdens today. Since that moment my burdens this day
have felt lighter.
I am grateful for the knowledge and strength I was given.